A never ending letter to him

“Your naked body should only belong to those who fall in love with your naked soul.”
Charlie Chaplin in a letter to his daughter, Geraldine

If I could have the courage to be vulnerable
I’d still want you to be the one-
break me, open; shatter me to a million pieces
so no one can ever put my puzzle back

If I could only look back one day ’bout my past
I’ll stop for the time you said we should really kiss
let your breath stain my mouth to-
later be trace and ink permanently on my lips

If I could only write one theme for all my life
I’d choose the topic about the man I love
made up of organic beauty and string of words
hang it like a noose ’round my heart

If I could be in a place where you and I could both meet
and courage rewards as a little infinity,
when love looks exactly like your eyes
then maybe, this is life’s greatest gift-
an eternal love
through the man I love…

Bluesirie 20130710

To Love a Writer (Le Sigh)

Today I highlighted another string of words
from the book you have written
I wish to draw out all my strength
-use it against you, cease writing about you
But, I remember
I love reading
I believe it’s the first thing I’ve learned-
even first than breathing.

So, sometimes I wonder
If I really love you
or it’s just the books
you have written…

Bluesirie 20130610

You never really loved me

“He never really loved you”
I keep repeating this to myself
until I find the courage to believe it
You never really loved me

You’re just in love with the idea of me-
falling in love with you
Ecstatic about your own creation-
of wild imagination

Where you and I could exist
Dissolve in each other’s arms
Lost within the curves of our bodies
But you never really loved me

Because it isn’t love when you’re doing it to everybody
It isn’t love when every girls and I have no difference on you
It isn’t love when I’m treated like everyone else you met
Because you never really loved me

I wasn’t special. I thought we’re a pair of earrings
But you were never really searching for your other half
It was so wrong of me to think we’re a pair
When you’re on your own,

like a necklace that could drape on everybody’s neck
Where almost anyone
could absolutely

fit in…

And I am sorry,
but I believe there’s someone
(or something)
Exclusively for me
And damn I demand no less!

So maybe, you don’t deserve me
After all, you never really
loved me…

© Bluesirie 20130608

Why I never want to fall in love with a poet

It is an emotional suicide.
No, seriously, believe me.
Every time he declares a poem is for me-
I die in delirium!

I wish there’s a way to-
not trace his words when he’s gone
I wish it isn’t this heart-wrenching-
to fall in love and wake up we’re done

But every time I try to turn away
He always pulls me back
With the strongest string of words
He knows I have no strength to decline

He knows me. Like the back of his hands-
He knows me.
He knows I’m in love with him
I know he loves me back or maybe-

I always try to guard my heart against him
I always fail at every attempt I’ve made

And I wish I didn’t fall in love with a poet
Because now I don’t even know how to stop

Didn’t you know?

I am also a poet
Who could keep writing
about you?

© Bluesirie 20130608

The first time I wrote a poem for a man

I never knew writing was for me
but when I wrote one poem on that month of June-
thanking you for being my mentor-
for 11 days
you keep thanking me

You said it was the first poem you’ve ever received
You said you were so touched
you keep reading it,
said you’ve already memorized each word

Days went by so fast. We fell in love
The way we are supposed to.
We knew it. We feel it.
Even just looking into each other’s eyes
send chills down our spines

But all things end. Nothing stays the same.
I know we both tried. At least we tried so hard.
So when you tell me we are done- I believed you
When you said it had gotten all wrong-
I agreed with you

But god my whole world fall apart!
Yours did too! We were broken-
broken apart
We both drowned in the abyss of this-
place called ‘Over’, no wonder.

Today I sit at the veranda, thinking about you
Wearing this long white dress you gave me
The shimmering sun bathes me-
but I still think about you

Didn’t you know?

I have forgotten there are too many fish in the sea
Because, you for me, is the sea

Didn’t you know?

If you open my drawer you’ll find only my heart
Sewn altogether by the thread of your love

Didn’t you know?

I keep planting seeds of our love
Believing one day

I could really reap,
what I sow…

Burying and reclaiming love

When my best friend told me “just don’t hurt him”,
I thought he wasn’t capable of hurting me.
He who taught me to stop feeding my fears and-
never regret what I can do and feel.

Now, I only wanted to know if-
I can bury love and reclaim it again?
Now, I only wanted to know if-
you were really meant
to be on my end?

is such a terrible ache, I’d never want to date
But when I met you, I thought I’m going all in
So, we dated. Thirty-six hours later
after our eighth date you said,
you wanted to make love with me

I was shaking. I wasn’t ready,
I was a woman wrapped up with too many values
so instead,
I carved my heart out of my chest-
wrapped it with your favorite Marvin the Martian wrapper-
ribboned it with my blue hair strands-

and asked you to take it.
You refused it.
My whole system shattered.
I was devastated.

So, that night, I slept without my heart
I was so drunk I must have dropped it somewhere
somewhere deeper like 36 feet below the ground

and maybe, just maybe
days, weeks or years from now
it will grow,
to something rich and steady
like a tree. And maybe,
I could reclaim the love I deserve
where once upon a time,
I preserved…