A. I Love You

When Clementine wrote
A Mouthful of Forevers
I thought,
this is it!

Someone was able to
carved out something from my chest and
carefully traced it
to the perfect
combination of words
there ever existed.

I knew then that I have to write-
to you
for you
about you.

(I was 14 when I thought love was forever
I was 16 when I thought I was in love
I was 19 when I stopped believing in magic
I was 27 when I made a mistake and fell in love with you)

I’m not a perfect lover
there are days when insecurities,
fear and jealousy would eat me whole
and all I wanna do is-
to give you up

it’s always easy to walk away

yet, no matter what
you stay

I love you
from this day onwards
I will trust you, have faith in you
let go of my fear to be hurt

for, whether it brings pain or not
there’s one thing I couldn’t do anymore, and that is-
to reset my heart and
unlove you. So, love you, I will.

Until forever becomes
the kiss and the hug
we could give to each other everyday.

Until forever becomes
enough
for both of us
to share…

┬ębluesirie 22.09.’14

If we are ever to be reborn and find each other

They will tell you, I’m no good for you.
That my scars are sins
and my brokenness would only cause you-
to drown in a pool of sadness.

They will tell you, you’ll find someone
greater than me. As if being me-
is a crime. As if comparison by
degrading your personality-
is a holistic thing.

They will tell you, I am danger
and you are the safe side
and it’s best to let go than for to you to explode-
to seven billion puzzled pieces by loving me

They will tell you, you deserve better
But you will still take your chances on me
And you will tell them about our love
sprinkle them hope that in time, they’ll all get there.

But maybe, just not in the exact same place
where grace promised an infinity
if we should ever find each other

again…

Bluesirie 20130625

April 19th

There is no Forever

My brother asked me to-
stop writing about you
planting forever in my head like-
a destination I could arrive at

because, he said
“there. Is. No. Forever”
the cruelty of his words
crucified my heart in a heartbeat

I was informed about impermanence
I’ve had fleeting hopes of eternity to last
thousands of achingly grand reasons why I’m-
all about you times three lifetimes

Now, here comes my brother
telling me I’ve done enough
suggesting I move on
tending a seed he planted in my heart, but-

it’s okay to finally be happy, to-
stop crying in my sleep, just-
don’t ask me to forget, it-
would shatter me, don’t even bet

If there’s no forever, then-
I shall love you with every-
breathing moment of my life, for-
it isn’t enough to begin with….

┬ęBluesirie 20130418

April 12th

July

The day I saw you
crying in the rain
publicly-
announcing to the world
that I was all you needed-

you wrecked me

The way your feet
no matter how gently it landed
on every fallen leaves in autumn
-would feel like
-would crush like

softly breaking
in a symphony
of full destruction

and on that faithful month of July
along with your fav’rite song
I was
and forever will be-
yours…

┬ęBluesirie 20130412

April 8th

I Miss You

You left me with an unfathomable feeling-
of sadness and longing
without something, to hold on to-
without you…

and it breaks me, god-
to a thousand pieces
as this pain keeps kissing me-
at the thought, of missing you!

Tell me how it’s done?
to breathe now that you’re gone
to stop crying in the night
darkest hour, how will I fight?

Let this ground devour me
once and for all
let the pain end it’s call
let death, upon me falls

for if another heart-ripping comes
even death would be ashamed
for there’s no greater tragedy-
than lovers divided, by destiny…