I Don’t Wanna Catch Up to the Letting Go

in honor of a dear friend who recently passed away. Now I know I have completely neglect blogging here, but I’m still here..and this is the first poem I’ve ever written for the last five months so forgive me for the lack of words…

from the outside it’d seem like we’re total strangers
like we never spoke anything in a deeper level
but we did and though the world didn’t take notice
we know, at least both of us knew

I don’t wanna catch up to the letting go
nor miss your acrostically woven poetry
I want to unlearn the fact that-
you’re gone

Dear Bud, I will miss you
for the way you love everything that you love
Dear Bud rest well, dream on
know you’ll always have a home in our hearts-
the lives that you forever touched

I don’t wanna catch up to the letting go
no, not just yet
I want to forever swim into the pool of our friendship
no matter how shallow it looks
Don’t make me catch up

to the letting go…
just,
not yet….

bluesirie23.12.13

Your Beauty

You marry words like couples in love
that I, for the life of me
wouldn’t know how to meet
much more- connect

You make me feel foreign-
on my own heart
fueling my adrenaline
rushing at your presence

Tell me what makes you, you?
I vow to preserve the only beauty
that makes me believe in the reality
of loving and being loved to infinity…

Bluesirie 20130725

Brain Notes

“Because I can’t seem to bring myself to think I’m going to regret it someday (because for the most part its always been what i wanted to do) but then you get so afraid and then all these thoughts creep in, that what if you regret it someday? We make decisions but aren’t free to the consequences. There’s always that something you will lose for gaining something. And sometimes I wish I have a weighing scale so I can weigh which side of the coin-
weighs heavier…”

List of Things I Will Never Do for You

When you saw my scars you said it was

almost artistic. You said I could be a whale

of a creative artist. I secretly smiled.

See, no one ever saw my pain and gave me words

and looks that didn’t land as self pity on my end.

Suddenly three lifetimes have passed and

I’m still that girl running free on the memories

we shared together- I grew stronger.

When I gaze upon your perfected face I-

discovered reasons to love myself and know

that someone, just one, religiously believes in me

like a believer to a god without questions or doubts

he has faith in me.

I will never unlove you
I will never unlove you
I could never unlove you

This is the thing I will never do for you multiplied by the power of three…

Baby, I will never unlove you.

It was never an option. Loving you has always been

the default setting, the first time I

breathed your love in mine…

Bluesirie 20130711