Breaking Up (I)

When you told me you wanted to have a break

I think I panicked

Something in me died

But it was too much

I couldn’t feel anything, I was




I said that it’s okay

I tried to be harsh with my words

But I think it’s too late

It’s a sinking ship

And I’m the captain who

refuses to abandon his own

I do not know how to stop you from leaving

I do not know what to say

I never tried begging,

but now that you’re leaving

how should I be healing?

I do not know how to deal with the pain

The longing, the indescribable ache

The reality of you being gone

Tell me how to forget you

Without resenting you?

Because the only way I can move on

Is if I think you did me wrong

But you never once did…

Not once…

bluesirie 28.05.17


It’s Time to Let Go

I asked you to hug me- you didn’t 

I asked if I could drink-

you gave me a glass instead of letting me drink from the bottle

(I used to drink straight there)
I asked you to kiss me

I asked if I could kiss you

you pushed me away

turn your back on me
There is a limit to what I can take

A limit to what I can do

A limit to what I can feel

I have reached mine-
it’s time to let go.
You will come crawling back

You will beg for forgiveness

but you know what?

Maybe this time, just once-
I will betray my heart

and let you go…

C. You Shouldn’t Blame Me

We kissed and I swear,
for the first time in my life
I considered,
like really considered
that maybe, just maybe
love also sometimes
equate to sex
and in the most sacred way
I mean that.

I realized someone could touch me
and I’d never feel dirty
nor felt being used or abused
caressed and loved and embraced

You taught me how to open up
showed me a different world to explore
so you shouldn’t blame me,
if my definition of sex is you
so you shouldn’t blame me,
if my definition of fire is you

so you shouldn’t blame me
don’t ever blame me
‘coz you make me love you…

you can’t blame me
if I’m giving you all of me
you just can’t…

©bluesirie 5.10.14

B. I Stopped Weaving Forever…

I stopped weaving forever on my sleeve when;
I realized how your body trembles
when the thought also pricks
onto your skin

We agreed to keep our love hidden-
6 feet below the ground

Someone said he likes me a lot
He’s a great guy
but I couldn’t betray my lungs
so instead, I broke his heart

(I promised to never ask for more)

But sometimes baby, it’s hard
there are nights when I wish you’d call me yours
I’ll run my fingers behind your back-
up, down and up again
so I could know you, like the fire knows how to burn

(Baby is that too much?)

So, I stopped weaving forever on my sleeve
when I found out that-
only nothing,
lasts forever…

bluesirie 19.9.14

A. I Love You

When Clementine wrote
A Mouthful of Forevers
I thought,
this is it!

Someone was able to
carved out something from my chest and
carefully traced it
to the perfect
combination of words
there ever existed.

I knew then that I have to write-
to you
for you
about you.

(I was 14 when I thought love was forever
I was 16 when I thought I was in love
I was 19 when I stopped believing in magic
I was 27 when I made a mistake and fell in love with you)

I’m not a perfect lover
there are days when insecurities,
fear and jealousy would eat me whole
and all I wanna do is-
to give you up

it’s always easy to walk away

yet, no matter what
you stay

I love you
from this day onwards
I will trust you, have faith in you
let go of my fear to be hurt

for, whether it brings pain or not
there’s one thing I couldn’t do anymore, and that is-
to reset my heart and
unlove you. So, love you, I will.

Until forever becomes
the kiss and the hug
we could give to each other everyday.

Until forever becomes
for both of us
to share…

©bluesirie 22.09.’14

He’s Different

he’s different. He’s one of the few
I will always feel blessed
to have been gifted the chance to
connect with, even for such a brief period of time..

he’s different in all the sense that made sense- even to the ones that doesn’t..

he’s different, maybe only because my heart craftily made him so, but he’s different..

maybe not in the way you would expect it, but
in the ways my soul
would flutter when
his proximity is within

this world’s reach…