If we are ever to be reborn and find each other

They will tell you, I’m no good for you.
That my scars are sins
and my brokenness would only cause you-
to drown in a pool of sadness.

They will tell you, you’ll find someone
greater than me. As if being me-
is a crime. As if comparison by
degrading your personality-
is a holistic thing.

They will tell you, I am danger
and you are the safe side
and it’s best to let go than for to you to explode-
to seven billion puzzled pieces by loving me

They will tell you, you deserve better
But you will still take your chances on me
And you will tell them about our love
sprinkle them hope that in time, they’ll all get there.

But maybe, just not in the exact same place
where grace promised an infinity
if we should ever find each other

again…

Bluesirie 20130625

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Photograph

The night you told me you love me
I remember swimming in seventh heaven
I didn’t know where on earth was that
but I have no words for such joy yet

I do not know how to look at you
any more than long, I’d fall so deep
it would be impossible to-
even think of saving me

too short and I know I will-
miss you too soon
the sun and the moon would gossip for the way
my hands would trace the image of you

I wish there are shortcuts to loving you
Like, instead of telephone
I could say phone and-
it wouldn’t lose it’s meaning

But, I realized how cellphone and telephone-
short cut in the same pattern and-
I don’t like anyone to have the same way
to your heart, to beat the same path, I have beaten

I guess I’ll have to deal for moments when-
my heart would stop beating
when you’d take the air out of my lungs
just because you are near me

Moments I swear, that even living falls short
to witness a beauty that is you- that is
larger than life
that is someone

I love…

Bluesirie 20130625

Maybe I’m validating fear because you have a terrible way of feeling loved

ahhh! I hope to be back soon. My Internet connection sucks. At its worst! Lol! I can’t even post. But I’m hoping this one will go through. ✌✌✌ sorry if i’m not reading lately. Will surely get back on you one blog after the other. 🙏🙏🙏 praying for stronger connection. Lol!

You write about fears more often than-
you- “slide your phone to unlock”.
You make courage jealous for the beauty you sketch
as you wander around the avenue of it.

Maybe fear isn’t a bad thing after all?
I reckon it grabs you to the core so that-
you’ll know exactly how to breathe without one
Maybe it calls for an- active appreciation

one day I asked, why write so much about it.
How can you make it so elegant as if
fear is something to-
paint my wildest dreams upon.
As if fear is more delightful than being happy at all.

And you said, I am that fear for you.
You keep writing about me and the beauty you see,
that when I’m scared, I am the most beautiful in your eyes
I am, because you have never felt needed
than when I hold you without letting go.
And you think it’s selfish but you’re not sorry at all.

You said, that in all the possibilities that ever happened to you-
you met a girl, who wear her scars proud
who is strong enough to build her own walls,
brick by brick
who never let anyone see her crumble into dust-
and in all the miracles-

but you…
goodness, but only you…

I cried for thirty-six hours after hearing that.
I had to push away the interviewer on the front door
because he keep asking questions.
When all I ever wanted to answer to everything was- “I love him!”

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I loved a man I will never unlove

I keep telling my heart to stop acting

like a swimmer, and cease on diving for you.

You see my heart is broken, could anytime get the drownin’,

it ain’t no Michael Phelps at all.

Every time it sees you, it paddles

for survival. Your eyes makes me wish

I don’t have a pair at all. The way you look at me

I swear, you annihilate the air in me. But I love the ephemeral joy it brings!

You were that strong- or may be, I am just weak- addicted to you.

Yesterday I went out with my friends. They told me

to buy this kojic acid because it will help me-

to look beautiful. I said I don’t know.

I said, there’s a man who thinks I’m pretty.

Every time I awarded him a quick snob he thinks it’s sexy.

He said it’s my way of saying I love him. He thinks

whenever I don’t answer his text it’s my way of hinting him

to call me and announce to me that he loves me. I said, there’s a man

who doesn’t need to be reminded that his girl is gorgeous by any outside forces.

A man who has made up his mind.

I made up my mind too. I didn’t buy the product.

I stock a high amount of love you perpetually provide.

Oblivious how childish that act was.

You said l will never run out of love, not yours- ever. You knew.

You know my fears and you always try to kiss them away.

You said you never felt needed, connected to anyone but me.

But baby the truth is, the whole world could crumble and I will not blink an eye,

as long as it’s your hand I am holding. I will not dread anything!

Anything
but the thought

of living
without you…

Bluesirie 20130617

Red

Today, I dyed my hair red.
I wanted to feel powerful,
to feel the intensity of the color within my body
pulsating outward; without.
A deeper sense of passion.
An emerging desire.
I’d like to be reminded that my blood is in fact-
red; screaming to be noticed.
In revolution to be heard.

Today, someone blew the embers in my heart
and I can feel my blood burning
Heart blazing
Like a fire that knows how to burn
Set my heart on it
Set my heart on fire…

(Like a fire that knows how to burn-
in red…always in red…)

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The almost fairy tale of you and me

If I could be a cartoon character-
I’d be either Cinderella’s step-sisters or
Snow White’s wicked step-mom

I was never a good person
I’m neither proud nor ashamed of it
I’m just okay with it

Besides, I wasn’t searching for a prince
I need no man to blew me away
Nor transform a princess in me

But once upon a time, you came-
flat, solid, motionless- maybe emotionless
like the floor of the earth for me

Whenever I fall, you were always there-
Always. Like your only job was to catch me
Like you knew I specialized in hurting myself

-My complete opposite.
I was danger
You were the safe side of everything

I always choose to not be so fragile.
Until I found myself in watercolors-
In love, to a mythical creature like you

And maybe I don’t know how to love at all-
but I swear
with all the unswearable things that had gotten sworn off-

No amount of apples
or curses or tricks and needles
could ever stop me from loving you

And no amount of suffering,
as when we suffered together,
shaken and broken-

but still together

could ever hold the most beautiful thing
that ever happened in my entire life
an eternal reassurance that-

As long as I live
I shall breathe
In your love…

(We didn’t live happily ever after. We just live, loving each other)

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Prettier than beauty

They say, people get used to beauty
That if you’ve seen something long enough
it becomes ordinary
Neither ugly, nor pretty
Just
-ordinary

I’ve been loving you for more than infinity
You’ve been gone for three lifetimes already
I’ve been told I was beautiful by many
-but I haven’t gotten used to any

I supposed people were lying when they say,
you get used to it”
‘Cause by now I would’ve pass my intoxication over you
Keep myself from getting drunk with the memory of you

But I guess,
beauty isn’t something to get used to
-or maybe not your kind
Maybe there are various classes of beauty
And if there aren’t, maybe-
you’re not beautiful

But you are my beauty!
The kind that conflicts with everything maybe,
so I searched the dictionary
to find a word prettier than beauty
and I found the word

YOU

Bluesirie 20130613