Diabetic because of you

You send me love letters everyday
and I used to be okay, to-
read each lines as I drink a bottle of
a 300 ml coca- cola
as early as 5:36 in the morning

Why?

Because you drain the sugar in my body
it automatically collapses as each word
hits something in my ribcage

Yet, after reading your handwritten letters
I keep paddling to my medicine cabinet
trying to reach the insulin
I needed to inject within me

-It always feels like battling for my life

You emptied and fill me to the brim
and sometimes it seems
loving you is something I could apply
for a job for

-I have to work so hard for it

and I wonder if I’m staying because I love what I do, or-
what I can get out of it are just-
the basic necessities of life
I needed
to survive…yet-
not a chance of a healthy life…

©Bluesirie 20130529

List of things I’ll never tell him

I like you.
Even while collapsing in silence
somehow, you manage to penetrate my-
soundproof solitude

There are afternoons I miss you
like missing the sunset
burning on my cheeks
in between our talks

If I could be a flower and-
chooses to be a rose, my thorns
aren’t even capable of threatening you
to come closer to where I am

and I secretly like that

When you asked me if I’m running away
Unapologetically, I said no
Yet, I’ll never tell you, I’ll only runaway
if you’ll come away, with me…

Is it possible?

Is it possible to wake up
and not search for you?
hunt the words you left
and not go crazy over you?

Is it possible not to think of you
in moments when you’re not around?
Can I even stand in my own ground-
still be hopeful to sleep safe and sound?

Is it possible to live and stop loving you?
to go through life without reaping pain
will the heart not break when-
it’s made to shatter for the light to rain?

Is it possible to fall so hard?
If I wake up and you can’t be found
how can I think of fitting on to other’s heart
if only, to living and loving you, I am bound…

© Bluesirie 20130518

To the man I keep myself from admitting I like

To the man I keep myself from admitting I like-

I’m stubborn, and there’ll be days
I’ll create things that doesn’t make sense
to someone-
as perfected as you

There’ll be moments when I could be
a saccharine song of undying love
and you might feel trapped

There’ll be spaces in time I could be-
a hell lot of a boring leaf
but-
leaves keep on falling… Falling..
falling down on the surface of the earth
and I could really plummet my way
If I convinced myself enough that-

You are my earth that holds everything
that could keep me grounded
my own dose of gravity
but sometimes I wonder

If I tell myself;
I
I can’t
I can’t fall
I can’t fall for
I can’t fall for you
I won’t really fall for you

If I say it long enough, maybe
possibly, I could make my heart believe

Because to the man I keep myself from admitting I love-
If you listen to my heartbeat using your stethoscope of knowing
maybe, just maybe-
there’ll be no need of saying things

you can look at me, and I know you’ll know…you’ll see-
something beneath the wings of love
is a girl who keeps paddling to
regain the courage to be-
vulnerable once again…

© Bluesirie 20130516

Planting Butterflies

You have a way of, stirring my soul
When I finally understood this
I can’t help but love
the beauty that you have

You have a way of, making love-
out of words
spilled ink through
sepia-skinned pages

You have a way of, planting butterflies in my stomach
When I laugh, it meant happiness
when I do, my mouth gave birth to
the butterflies you scattered

You have a way of, a deeper pull of passion
you could rearrange my soul
to love the person I’ve become and
plant the dreams I’ve never dared sow…